Stephanie Victoria

Elephant Gun.

Thursday, November 5, 2009, 7:15 PM

This has been one of those weeks. Everything that could possibly have gone wrong, did. It's dampened all of the good things that have happened. I began rehearsals for a show I'm in love with, I was invited into NHS, I became addicted to an amazing CD, I've become closer with some really cool people, and I've been shocked again and again by one especially awesome person.

Hence, I've come to a couple of really important conclusions. One, and you're going to love the creativity here, people never change. Or rather, people will never change for you. It doesn't matter if you spell out your wishes for them. It hurts.

Two, dancing makes me happy. I should never have stopped. I should never have done a lot of things, really. But I don't intend to never put another pair of dance shoes on, that's for sure.

Three, those magical strangers that show up in stories and save the day? In English class, they're called deus ex machina. In real life? They're angels, and they're a lot more likely to help than those you count on every day.

Four, I'm experiencing something new. I'm getting on stage each afternoon and hurting, for my character, and maybe a little bit for myself. You'd be surprised how much of yourself you can find in works of art. The character's name is Hope. She can't stay in the town she's grown up in, so rather than marrying the man she's in love with, she runs, only to return years too late. I know that I'm as ready as she was to leave this town, but walking off stage after each run through, I know she's made a mistake and I can't help thinking I might be too.

On that note, I think there are some people whose souls and bodies are born in two different places. I know a few of those.

Anyway, things are weird. So many things are happening, all in the extremes. Very good and very bad. It's only confusing me, quieting my excitement and distorting my tears. The good thing is that when one person won't listen, there are a thousand others who care so, so much. That should undermine the slightly bitter tone here.

Also, I thought I should share the story of something that I can't forget because it came at one of those times when you're completely down and think nothing will make a difference:

I was in bed one night about to check out after one of those days that just makes you think wayy too much when I thought I'd change my Facebook status to closer match my mood (without actually saying I felt like driving off a cliff; that's too intense for such [fake] happy people in Cave Creek). I changed my status to Stephanie is. I never intended for anyone to complete that sentence. But someone did. With a succinct 'pretty cool'. This someone has also created some amazing posters and things for this show that I'm in right now, and he always makes sure to send them to me. This means a lot. A lot.

So, we're starting a band.

Love.
S.